The Media and ANR

It seems that ANR and ABR are now hot new topics in the media. Maybe they always have been, and I'm just noticing the trend now that my circle within the adult nursing relationship community has expanded a bit, and I'm much more aware of my surroundings. Regardless, something has been troubling me over the past week, and I've found that blogging is quite therapeutic, so, after quite a bit of consideration, I decided to post this publicly with only the best intentions behind my written words.

Before I continue, I think it's very important that readers understand that I am, in no way, a controversial person. I believe in the age-old adage "live and let live", and always do my best to respect others' lifestyle choices and belief systems, and this has always been my goal as I share my thoughts and feelings, opinion, and advice  on the loving adult nursing relationship. Although I am certainly not a serious journalist, nor will I ever be the Great American Novelist, I do take my writing very seriously--as seriously as I take my own ANR, and as seriously as I take the feelings and privacy of others regarding their ANRs.

So, with all of this being said, I'll confess that my concern pertains to the media; and, specifically, how the media handles the topic of ANR.

I was actually able to briefly discuss this concern with another couple two nights ago, and I feel that we share the same views on this issue--the media seems to feel that this lifestyle is a farce, some bizarre and unexplainable oddity, something that will intrigue and amuse their readers, as these "journalists" twist the truth into sensationalized fodder, and make a mockery out of the nursing relationship, and the couples who practice it. As the other husband and wife said, the problem with some journalists is that they only care about how many hits they receive on a particular story. I agree with that. Often, presenting the fact-based reality of a seemingly fascinating subject is far less interesting than transforming it into a tabloid story to catch readers' attention. I doubt many people would be fascinated by my life outside of the bedroom where I nurse my husband. It isn't very exciting to learn that I enjoy raising roses or growing vegetables or knitting doll clothes for my little lady's menagerie of blinky-eyed babies. There is not much mystique to explore, I'm afraid. I'm just an average woman with average struggles--and I just happen to nurse my husband.

Because of this, I do offer glimpses into the mundane part of my everyday life, as a way to keep this very real, as a way to normalize what could easily become sensationalized. I have taken part in two interviews at this point, with the potential for two more on the horizon, but I have turned down three offers to discuss my lifestyle choice because I questioned the motive behind the reporters' interest. I love to laugh, but I do not love being laughed at. There is humor in every aspect of life, including nursing, but I just don't see anything funny about the practice itself. It is so easy to handle any issues that arise within your lifestyle choice, as long as you hold onto the control you have over it. You can ignore rude and disrespectful questions, refusing to take the offered bait and feed the flames of ill-meaning fascination, and utilize social media's "unlike", "unfriend", and "unfollow" buttons, or block someone's e-mail from passing through your inbox, but once you hand your story over to the media, even with the best intentions behind it, your journey immediately becomes their story, to do with as they see fitting. I especially dislike the manner in which some journalists utilize quotation marks--they are an easy way to establish sarcasm and a can you believe this? camaraderie with their readers --within the written word. For example, when discussing ANR, some journalists will print: This woman "feeds" her husband. Those innocent quotation marks are offensive to me. And I worry a lot that I will make a terrible judgment call and share my story with the wrong reporter. Sometimes, it feels as if I am taking one step forward to spread the word that ANR can be a completely healthy and absolutely normal part of a couple's everyday life, and then some "journalist" (see what I just did there with the quotation marks? ;)) comes along and pushes me two steps back.

It's really no wonder there's so little trust within the nursing community. Everyone has feelings. No one wants to be the butt of a horrible joke.

I decided to conduct my own interviews for very specific reasons. When I ask to speak to a couple about their own journey, it is always done with the greatest of intentions, as a way to share fresh perspectives on the lifestyle, as a way to build understanding and something of a kinship. I also use these interviews as an outlet for people who would love to be able to share the beauty of their personal ANRs in a safe, secure, and discreet way without the fear of embarrassment, criticism, amusement, or shame. And when these wonderful people agree to speak with me, I am fully aware of the truth: they don't know me. Their willingness to discuss this with me is based solely on trust. They are entrusting me with an extremely tender part of their personal lives, and this is quite meaningful to me.

As a matter of fact, one of the most touching messages I have ever received came from a woman who agreed to a Bountiful Fruits interview, and she contacted me after her story was posted on my website.

"You truly just touched my heart with your article/story. You wrote it so respectfully and just so beautiful. Thank you!"

I don't think I could ever explain what her words meant to me.

Although this post isn't the type that I would normally publish, I'm glad that I decided to share my thoughts--and hope that you are, too. I'll return soon with new articles, which I'm very excited about, and, don't forget that ANR Chat Episode #3 is set to air in five days! Actually, it may become ANR Chat Episode #3, Part I and II, because I've received so many fantastic questions! Thank you, all!

Enjoy your Friday. Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy your partner, and the beautiful lifestyle you share!

Take care!

My Interview with Leigh Cuen of Mic

I was recently asked to contribute my thoughts on ANR to an interview conducted by Leigh Cuen. Although I was uncertain of whether or not this was the right decision to make, I consented, and I'm glad I did, as a way to "normalize" rather than sensationalize the beautiful adult nursing relationship.

I received a follow-up note from Ms. Cuen earlier that read:

"Thank you for contributing such a thoughtful interview to this article. It was a great help in taking a sensationalist viral story and giving it real, humanizing context..."

I hope you'll take a moment to read and share this piece with others.

CLICK HERE FOR MY INTERVIEW

Separation Anxiety and ANR

S is leaving.

I knew this day was coming. I've known for quite some time now, and I've been able to put his departure out of my mind and focus on everything that is wonderful. But now that the time is drawing near, it is all that I can seem to think about.

We've been apart before in the past, often and for very long, difficult periods of time, under much worse circumstances. You would think I would be used to it by now, wouldn't you?

But I'm not.

I hate it when he goes away.

I know that it won't be forever. He'll be home again in a week. And what's a week, really, when you think about it?

Seven days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes. 604,800 seconds. 1/4 of a month.

It will seem like an eternity to me.

When he is away from me, the house seems so empty and our bed feels so lonely. At night I sleep on his pillow, and it brings him closer to me, but it's never enough to really satisfy me, because I miss feeling his chest pressed warmly against my back and his arm curled protectively around my waist as we spoon through the night. Every night that we have been together, we have slept that way for almost 15 years (unless a little one has had a bad dream or was frightened awake by a thunderstorm, and feels comfortable enough to snuggle down between Dad and Mama in their big, warm, cozy bed with the piles of soft pillows and fluffy queen-sized blanket), and I've grown very accustomed to his night-time presence.

Perhaps even too accustomed to it.

When S leaves, it always feels that he takes half of me with him. And I never truly feel whole again until he walks back through the door, filling our home--and my world--with his strength and security.

I miss watching him shave in the morning and sharing coffee with him at the breakfast table. I miss listening to him read a bedtime story to our daughter and telling our sons good-night. I miss his voice, the way his laugh fills an entire room when he's really amused by something. I miss him.

I am already beginning to feel the on-set of separation anxiety--and it's horrible.

But I think it's one of the realities that you have to face when you are in a committed ANR. You invest so much of yourself in another person that it's difficult to let them go--even for a little while. And the challenge of separation doesn't just stem from the act of nursing, but from the emotional drawing and pulling that comes along with nursing. Even if it is temporary, that connection is hard to break.

And, now, even more so because I am lactating.

I have reached a level in my lactation journey that I am very comfortable with right now. Although I plan to continue on to full lactation in the future, a goal that S and I have been working together to accomplish, I am satisfied--and thrilled--with what my breasts have achieved in just one short month. My milk supply has come in beautifully, and continues to increase, replenishing itself quickly after each feeding, but I remain at the place where I need S to draw it from my breasts, as I haven't yet reached the point of being able to express through pumping. This is another concern: I don't want to suffer from engorgement, and I certainly don't want to drop to a lower level of lactation.
S and I have spent many hours discussing our situation, and he was open enough to tell me how difficult the separation is going to be for him, too, while also showing so much support and encouragement regarding my milk dilemma. (It's so wonderful to have a supportive partner who reminds me every day that he is not nursing from my breasts for the milk, but for the intimacy and deep connection we share; even though I understand completely that he will dry nurse just as contentedly as he is feeding now, I have grown very, very fond of my milk, and I know that he has, too, and I honestly do not want to see a decrease in supply.)

After weighing and considering our options, and deciding that, as the end of the school year grows closer, it just wouldn't be practical for me to join him out-of-state, I have chosen to pump in his absence, to provide as much breast stimulation as possible. By pumping during each regularly scheduled nursing time, and possibly a couple of times in between, if time permits, I hope to maintain my milk supply, which, of course, is why I have been on a proper breastpump search and find mission over the past two weeks. :) The Mister and I are going breastpump shopping on Friday evening, as a matter of fact, which he ought to find a lot more interesting than shoe shopping, which I have been known to do on the rare occasion.

Now that I've had time to truly think about our situation, I'm sure that everything will be okay. Things often have a way of turning out better than you think they will. I am confident in the abilities of my body--and my breasts--and secure in knowing that even if my milk supply is hindered by this impending week-long separation, I have a loving man who will be eager to return to the shelter of my arms and the comfort of my bosom.

But I'm still going to miss him...