I had an incredibly busy weekend; so busy, as a matter of fact, that there didn't seem to be enough hours in the days to get everything accomplished. As I began to feel slightly overwhelmed, I decided to prioritize, and set my writing aside in lieu of spending time with my husband, children, and other family members while keeping in touch with friends via email. It was the right decision, because amid all of the hustle and bustle, I had many moments of reflection.
It's very difficult to choose what to post...and what not to post at times, as I always consider very carefully what you might enjoy reading before I sit down to complete my daily blog posts. I spent a great deal of time considering this post, as a matter of fact, and after talking everything over with S, he encouraged me to write this, and I can only hope that I can explain my position succinctly and without offense.
When I first began writing this blog, I chose to do so with a frank honesty that allowed me a liberating freedom; I was so incredibly filled with joy because of the re-opening of my ANR with S that I truly couldn't refrain from sharing it with the world. I want others to understand the complete bliss that can be gained from sharing the nursing experience with the person you love most in this world. I wanted to share the aspects of our relationship openly, in an attempt to show my readers what my experiences have taught me about myself and my husband. I also wanted people to feel comfortable enough to ask questions about the nursing relationship, as well as about S and me, and who we are as both individuals and a happily married couple. I also wanted to be the shoulder for those struggling to achieve a committed ANR to lean on, as something of a support system, as someone who could understand their hopes and desires, while listening without question or judgment. And I still wish for all of these things.
However, over the weekend, a couple of people chose to overstep their bounds with me, and caused me to re-evaluate many things, including this site and my original blog. If my posts have somehow given you the wrong impression, then I am sorry. Because I share s0 much of my personal journey to the public, I am sure that I seem to be an extremely forward and liberated person who would enjoy blatant sexual advances, presumptuous emails, and disrespectful behavior that bordered on somewhat threatening. That is not who I am. As surprising as some might find this, I am a very private and shy person; I am an introvert who prefers to stand on the sidelines rather than be the center of attention. When I allow people to truly know me, they are given much more than the surface LMM. I share important details of my life with them; they know what S and I (and our children) look like; they know our names and the very real details of our life as the very average couple we are. They are interested in much more than our nursing life; they want to scratch that LMM surface and get to know me--just as much as I want to know them. If we are nursing friends, a phrase that one of my own friends so perfectly coined, then, of course, we discuss nursing, but we discuss other important aspects of our lives, too, and it's a beautiful thing!
For a while over the weekend, I considered--briefly--the notion of removing my site and blog, but the idea of really doing that made me so sad. I love this so much, and I don't want to stop. And, as long as you would like to continue reading it, I will continue writing it with the same joyful abandon as before. I also debated on whether to make this a password protected site, but the idea seemed so wrong. I want readers to have easy access to my posts without having to worry about the hassle of requesting a password. So...things will remain unchanged for now.
The Bountiful Fruits Chat Room was intended for visitors' personal enjoyment, no strings attached. When the Mister and I arranged for chat sessions with interested people, we intended to use that hour of time to share personal relationship insight with others and offer Nursing Couple Q and A sessions. Unfortunately, a very few people felt that they could use that hour to share their fantasies of me and make unreasonable requests of me. I do not engage in fantasy role play with strangers. I do not indulge in cyber sex. I am not interested in your descriptions of what you dream that my breasts look like. These are things that make me extremely uncomfortable; because of this, I will no longer be utilizing the chat feature, although others may feel free to do so. If anyone is interested in a fun and pleasant relationship Q and A chat, I will arrange a private chat room for us, but for now, all public chat room sessions are canceled until further notice.
Thank you so much to those of you who enjoy Bountiful Fruits and respect me as a very real person. I deeply appreciate it, and love hearing from you! Many thanks to those who continue to offer kindness and support, and encourage me to continue to write.
I'll be back tomorrow with updates and a brand new post!
I hope you'll be here, too!